What Hurts the Most

   Yesterday was a bit rough.
   I heard that a certain person I've known for a long time wasn't happy with the choices I've made lately. I had a fairly accurate idea in my head of what he would say to me, even before I asked, but he hadn't come and talked to me about anything, which is not like him in the slightest. So I called him on the phone.
   "I know you're not happy with me," I said, "but I would rather you tell me what is wrong instead of me having to hear about it from other people. And I think you'll feel better if you tell me, so have at it."
   I didn't open my mouth once in the next ten minutes. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Among the things I heard:
   1. I'm a whore and an adulteress.
   2. I've ruined communication between him and other people that he's close to, because he feels like he has to lie to cover for me.
   3. I've committed the unpardonable sin because I'm happy with my choices.
   4. This whole thing will blow up in my face -- he guaranteed it.
   5. He does not want to be around me or Dylan because he can't support what we're doing.
   6. He feels sorry for Dylan because I'm bringing him down.
   7. He doesn't know whose idea this was, mine or Dylan's, but that the only way to get back on the right track is to stop what I'm doing completely and get out of it.
   At first, the things he said pierced me through, and I quivered silently on the couch, tears streaming down my face, as I listened to him. But all of a sudden they stopped. I continued taking in what he had to say, but somehow I closed myself off to the point that it didn't hurt anymore.
   I've been emotionally abused by this person before. Maybe that's why I was able to stop crying: old habits kicked in, and I responded the way I have for years -- by appearing to have let it just roll off my back.
   However, it bothered me the entire day. I crawled under the covers that night and burst into tears again. Not because I regret my decisions; more so because such stinging criticism and cold abandon all of a sudden poured forth from a person I've looked up to for years. I asked for it, yes, but the way he approached it hurt nonetheless. He says he loves me, but ever since I've known him, he has had a tendency to ignore me, manipulate me, or try to run me on a guilt trip, if I don't do things precisely the way he thinks I should.
   Dylan tells me I need to rid myself of people in my life that bring me down like that. But it's a lot harder to do that than one would think. 
   Lesson from this: I am a little less afraid to ask for people's true opinions. I've become better at taking criticism, no matter how cruel the person is with it. And the more I practice being honest and straightforward with people -- the more I force myself to remember that I'm not perfect and it's okay if others aren't always happy with me -- the stronger I become at standing firm to what I have chosen and what I believe in.